WHAT WOULD IT be like if the world’s caddies went on strike this weekend and the Ryder Cup golfers had to find replacements at short notice?
Yesterday we brought you 12 alternative bagmen for America’s team. Today it’s the turn of Europe — although these lot would want to get a move on if they’re going to make it to Medinah for the first tee-time on Friday morning.
Rory McIlroy and Justin Bieber
Two young superstars with a combined age of 41 and a combined cash pile estimated to be in the region of £80 million. Maybe Rory could flog Justin that aul’ house that he doesn’t want up in County Down.
Justin Rose and Vladimir Putin
A couple of years back, word on the disreputable Kremlin streets was that Mr Putin was growing close to one of Russia’s top young gymnasts. Mrs Rose is a former international gymnast herself, so Justin and Vlad could probably compare notes. We’d skip the hand gestures, lads.
Paul Lawrie and No Doubt
The 1990s called — they want their Open Champion back. And their chart-topping band too while you’re at it. Lawrie has become the forgotten man of European golf since his win at Carnoustie in 1999, but much like Gwen Stefani and pals, he’s still going strong.
Graeme McDowell and Rob Kearney
One claims to be from County Antrim, the other from County Louth — you’d never know it to listen to their accents though. Where’s your local pride, eh?
Francesco Molinari and Noel Gallagher
Once part of famous brotherly double-acts, Francesco and Noel are going it alone now while Eddie Molinari watches the Ryder Cup on the telly and Liam… umm, what does Liam do these days?
Luke Donald and Mark Hamill
If people are going to insist on screaming “LUUUUUUUUKE” at Donald and his caddy all day every day, it’s best to pair him off with someone that will be used to it — the former Mr Skywalker, Mark Hamill.
Lee Westwood and Mark Addy
Both reigned on the throne, both used to be carrying an extra few pounds and both are fond of running their mouth a bit. The former world number one and King Robert Baratheon should be a perfect match.
Sergio Garcia and Colin Farrell
Honestly, have you ever seen two grown men hanging around with their mother in public quite as much as Garcia and Farrell? Where are the rest of their mates?
Peter Hanson and the three lads from Hanson
This isn’t our most imaginative pairing, admittedly, but at least we knew we’d be able to call upon the Hanson boys at short notice. What? What do you mean they’re still writing music and touring?
Martin Kaymer and Bono
It has been 25 long years and Bono still hasn’t found what he’s looking for. Is it Kaymer’s form by any chance?
Nicolas Colsaerts and Jordan Prentice (Jimmy the Dwarf from ‘In Bruges’)
We are hardly experts on Colsaerts’ native Belgium but we were watching In Bruges the other night. Step forward, Jordan Prentice aka Jimmy the Dwarf.
Ian Poulter and Joan Rivers
We’re a bit wary of putting the world’s two greatest fashion minds together in such close quarters but a Poulter/Rivers combination is too good to turn down. You can thank us later when you’re wearing a sequined moo-moo over your plus-fours.
– Compiled by Adrian Russell, Fintan O’Toole, Neil Cullen, Niall Kelly, Patrick McCarry and Paul Fennessy.
Photos by AP/PA Images/INPHO