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JJ Abrams buys rights for Lance Armstrong movie – here’s who we would cast

At this stage we should just buy up an abandoned warehouse, foldy-out chairs and call ourselves producers.

19/01/13 18,180 Views 37 Comments

REPORTS THIS MORNING have revealed Star Trek director, and creator of LOST, JJ Abrams will produce a movie on Lance Armstrong’s fall from grace.

The director/producer has reportedly bought the rights to a planned biography, by New York Times reporter Juliet Macur.

The working title is ‘Cycle of Lies: The Fall of Lance Armstrong’.

Speculation will now begin on who should play the disgraced cyclist, who was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles, after a damning report by the US Anti-Doping Agency found him to be guilty of using performance enhancing drugs.

We’ve saved JJ the effort by casting the movie on his behalf.

JJ Abrams buys rights for Lance Armstrong movie – here’s who we would cast
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  • Lance Armstrong (played by Aaron Eckhart)

    Eckhart, the man who played Gotham's white knight and Two Face in the same Batman movie, would be ideal as the champ turned confessor Armstrong (AP Photo/Courtesy of Harpo Studios, Inc., George Burns, File & AP Photo: Matt Sayles)

  • Paul Kimmage (played by Gabriel Byrne)

    Kimmage worked the cycling news beat non-stop until the Armstrong scandal was exposed. Byrne has the pathos and passion to bring Kimmage to life on the big screen (INPHO: Billy Stickland & PA Archive: Niall Carson).

  • David Walsh (played by Terence Stamp)

    Walsh (pictured right) wrote the books that brought prolonged, worldwide attention to the doping accusations. Terence Stamp is similarly intense (AP Photo: Lionel Cironneau & YouTube screengrab).

  • Kristin Armstrong (played by Rebecca Romijn)

    The woman that stood by her (ex) husband for so long would be well-represented by the actress that was married to John 'Full House' Stamos (AP Photo:Harry Cabluck & AP Photo: Jordan Strauss).

  • Michele Ferrari (played by Max 'A.L.F' Wright)

    Who better to play the doctor that many blame for dragging Armstrong into the murky world of performance enhancement than the guy who played Willie Tanner in ALF (YouTube screengrabs).

  • Emma O'Reilly (played by Imelda May)

    The feisty O'Reilly would be well cast by an outside the box choice - our very own Imelda. She's got the blonde streaks already (AP Photo: Michael Spingler & Empics: Matt Crossick).

  • Betsy Andreu (played by Sandra Bullock - left)

    'You owed it to me Lance and you dropped the ball' hollers Bullock, on the hunt for a second Best Actress Oscar. (YouTube screengrab and Ferguson Digital).

  • Travis Tygart (played by Eddie Jemison)

    Jemison, who is excellent in Hung, should portray the USADA chief that went all Elliott Ness on Lance and produced the damning report that brought him down (AP Photo: Ed Andrieski & AP Photo: Carolyn Kaster).

  • Oprah Winfrey (played by Queen Latifah)

    The woman that finally made Lance come clean and say 'yes, yes, yes, yes, yes' to being a drugs cheat (AP Photo: Frank Gunn & AP Photo: Matt Rourke).
  • Eckhart, the man who played Gotham's white knight and Two Face in the same Batman movie, would be ideal as the champ turned confessor Armstrong (AP Photo/Courtesy of Harpo Studios, Inc., George Burns, File & AP Photo: Matt Sayles)
  • Kimmage worked the cycling news beat non-stop until the Armstrong scandal was exposed. Byrne has the pathos and passion to bring Kimmage to life on the big screen (INPHO: Billy Stickland & PA Archive: Niall Carson).
  • Walsh (pictured right) wrote the books that brought prolonged, worldwide attention to the doping accusations. Terence Stamp is similarly intense (AP Photo: Lionel Cironneau & YouTube screengrab).
  • The woman that stood by her (ex) husband for so long would be well-represented by the actress that was married to John 'Full House' Stamos (AP Photo:Harry Cabluck & AP Photo: Jordan Strauss).
  • Who better to play the doctor that many blame for dragging Armstrong into the murky world of performance enhancement than the guy who played Willie Tanner in ALF (YouTube screengrabs).
  • The feisty O'Reilly would be well cast by an outside the box choice - our very own Imelda. She's got the blonde streaks already (AP Photo: Michael Spingler & Empics: Matt Crossick).
  • 'You owed it to me Lance and you dropped the ball' hollers Bullock, on the hunt for a second Best Actress Oscar. (YouTube screengrab and Ferguson Digital).
  • Jemison, who is excellent in Hung, should portray the USADA chief that went all Elliott Ness on Lance and produced the damning report that brought him down (AP Photo: Ed Andrieski & AP Photo: Carolyn Kaster).
  • The woman that finally made Lance come clean and say 'yes, yes, yes, yes, yes' to being a drugs cheat (AP Photo: Frank Gunn & AP Photo: Matt Rourke).

Let us know what you think, and if you have any better suggestions.

‘Look at this arrogant prick’ — what we learned from Lance/Oprah part 1

‘I’d apologise to David Walsh’ – what we learned from Lance/Oprah, part 2

About the author:

Patrick McCarry
@patmccarry
patrick@thescore.ie

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