SPRING IS JUST around the corner, and that means it’s the perfect time for booking weekend afternoons on the couch so you can gorge on international rugby.
At times, television can be an unpredictable business, so to ensure you’re only mildly shocked by everything that surrounds the intricacies of the game, here is a full list of things you can be on the look out for between Saturday February 1 and March 15.
1. Tough old props will cry like babies when their anthem is played
Press Association Images
2. Simon Zebo will make a try-scoring return, blowing kisses to the camera as he dots down
3. Ryle Nugent’s try-gasm will return to the national broadcaster
Because ‘Peter O’Mahonyyyyyy’ just doesn’t sound the same.
4. Pre-match: ‘Italy are improving, a tough nut to crack’
Post-match: ‘We should be putting 40-50 points on teams like that’.
5. The BBC will blow twice RTE’s budget on epic, stirring previews
6. But Tom McGuirk will still get us pumped
YouTube credit: RTE
7. Twitter will be OUTRAGED at having to listen to Ireland’s Call
8. We may never figure out which French team turned up
Even though it’s usually a team good enough to beat Ireland.
9. Every team selection will spark a series of Munster v Leinster spats
Any Ulster or Connacht players will be assumed to be tokens.
10. The punditry team will tell you almost as much about Winston Churchill and the battle of the Somme as they do about Alex Cuthbert and the battle at the scrum
‘Tell them the one about Napoleon, George’ ©INPHO
11. There’ll be gratuitous shots of men in kilts
12. And tries will cause some fans to completely lose the run of themselves
13. Half of Ireland will flick over to BBC (if England are about to lose)
14. Brian Moore will get angry at re-set scrums
YouTube credit: LasGarzas11
15. You’ll get angry at John Inverdale
Press Association Images
16. Thank goodness for Woody
17. Any little knock suffered by Jonny Sexton will be attributed to his move to France
18. Clare McNamara will get a crick in her neck from looking up at second rows post-match
19. Brian O’Driscoll will be written off exactly one week before his best performance of the championship/ever
20. George Hook will claim to be BOD’s actual auld fella
21. We’ll all sing along to La Marseillaise
22. A scrum-half will become tangled in Gordon Darcy’s beard
23. Paul O’Connell will become a worldwide internet sensation every weekend
24. After five wins in a row, Joe Schmidt will humbly address the Paris crowd in French, English and Irish explaining how the whole thing had nothing to do with him