STANDING IN THE centre circle, they feel safe from the venom that is being discharged from the sideline.
They dare not move too close to the crowd that is just waiting for them to make another mistake.
Alarmingly, this is the reality for many young Irish children competing in schoolboy soccer matches up and down the country, but it is not other children doing the taunting, it is grown adults. It is parents.
Instead of being encouraged to take chances, make their own decisions, and use the skills they have learned in training, the youngsters are frozen in a state of fear. On the pitch they are being graded as adults, instead of being encouraged as children.
Antonio Mantero, of thecoachdiary.com, has experienced this situation many times, and he is now attempting to change the attitudes of both parents and coaches on the sidelines throughout Ireland.
This weekend, soccer clubs across the country will take part in the first Silent Sideline Weekend – organised by Mantero.
He believes young children are struggling to enjoy the game because they are being inundated with abuse, advice, and tactics from others.
“I once heard a player saying that his preferred position was centre midfield because in this position he didn’t have to be near any sidelines,” says Mantero. “He was referring to all of the screaming and shouting from adults.
One of the hardest things to coach is getting your players to communicate or send a message with the ball. If adults are doing all the screaming and shouting, this will prevent the kids from communicating.
“The problem is most adults on the line are shouting all sorts of negative nonsense and this will have an impact on a player’s performance and most certainly knock their confidence, which will prevent them from communicating with their team-mates.”
Sport psychologist Canice Kennedy said he has witnessed first-hand the impact of negativity from the sideline. He believes a young player will often struggle to replicate what he or she has learned on the training pitch when it comes to match-day because of the pressure from the sidelines.
“It’s my belief, and I have seen it with my own children, that on Tuesdays and Thursdays when children are training they are capable of reaching a very high level technically.
“But at the weekend, when there are 30 or 40 parents on the sideline shouting different tactics or instructions at them, they simply fail to ever reach that technical level again.”
He continued: “It’s good that parents want to be involved, but in my opinion there are two issues. Firstly, the parents get the children too hyped up, and secondly, they try and over-coach them. The focus should be on enjoyment and positive reinforcement rather than winning.
“Too many parents automatically want to know if their son or daughter won, rather than if their child enjoyed the game. That should be the first question they are asked, that should be the most important thing.”
The Silent Sideline Weekend will hopefully encourage parents to be more aware of their actions when watching children play soccer. Indeed, Antonio Mantero would like to see more being done to highlight the problem.
I think we as adults have a social and moral responsibility to behave on the line. I believe ultimately it is the responsibility of each and every organisation that facilitates youth sports.
“However, the governing body could and should be doing a lot more to highlight this issue. Why is there not a course about adult behaviour and controlling your emotions in kid’s sports?
“Why have we no videos to highlight the abuse children are receiving every weekend all across the country? Every club should have a child welfare policy, and adult behaviour on the sidelines would fall into these policies.
“The fact of the matter is, shouting and screaming at children is bullying and the sooner people realise this the better. Every adult involved in kids sports has a responsibility to make sure children’s welfare is paramount.”
For many, this depiction of the schoolboy game in Ireland will seem extreme, but for those who are actively involved in it, this is a reality.
Crumlin United Secretary Martin Loughran has coached many schoolboy teams, and has been involved as a parent too with his own children. He sees competitiveness within the schoolboy game being another problem
This season the Dublin District Schoolboy League (DDSL) changed their rules in relation to teams who play at Under 8 and Under 9 levels. There are now no referees, no league tables, no match-cards, and no results.
The aim is to promote enjoyment within the game, include all players, and promote a fun and soccer-friendly environment. Other changes include smaller pitch sizes for teams up to Under 12, which will help to build strong technical skills.
But Loughran, who now manages Crumlin United’s very successful Senior Men’s team, said parents were reluctant at the beginning to embrace the non-competitive format.
“This season the DDSL have brought in non-competitive football at Under 8 and Under 9 level, and it’s five-a-side, and it means all the kids are getting a game.
The biggest problem we’ve found with the non-competitive game is the parents. They’re all asking where are the league tables, and what are their kids going to win, and will there be trophies, but they have seen the benefits now and seen the progression of their kids and it’s done them the world of good.
“The pitch is tighter, they can’t run ragged with the ball, and they’re getting closed down quicker, so they have to pass the ball. They have to think, and think for themselves, and use their own guide of discovery.
“Let them do it themselves, and if they do it wrong they will eventually do it right.”
For more information on the Silent Sideline Weekend, please visit www.thecoachdiary.com or visit them on Twitter @Coachdiary
My lads play soccer (not in dublin) and parents have to sign a form saying they will not shout or swear at the ref, coaches or kids. If they do they will be barred from attending.
There is a great atmosphere, the kids love playing soccer.
I was crap at sports as a child but still made it onto teams due to lack of numbers. I scored 1 point in my entire GAA career ! But I do remember being constantly shouted at from the sideline by the trainer, everything from “you useless lug” to “what the f are you doing”. It didn’t stop there, in front of the whole team in the dressing room I was belittlingly told by the trainer that he’d give me a tenner for every point I scored, much to the outrageous amusement of the other 14 year old boys and I felt very inadequate. I eventually got thrown out of GAA because my thigh was ripped open by loose hooping on someone’s hurley, I couldn’t run for 2 months so the trainer just silently ignored me ever after that and eventually told me that I wasn’t wanted any more. It does get to you – as a child it is important to be accepted by your peers and being treated badly from the sideline or otherwise can cut like a knife. I was crap and I knew it, but still I was exposed to abuse because I was needed for numbers. At that age I hadn’t the sense to tell the guy to f off and I kept it from my parents because I thought they’d be ashamed of me, I have elder siblings who were really good. So it was a corner I was in and in hindsight, I would give that trainer a loafing right on the nose if I could.
That’s appalling Tony. You should have been praised and rewarded for your enthusiasm rather than abused like that by grown adults. So you were bullied as a child by grown ups. That’s just unacceptable behaviour.
Thanks for sharing that Tony, Your old coach shouldn’t be involved in the G.A.A, or any sport for that matter, The emphasis in all underage sports,should be on taking part with everyone involved, not competing , leave that for the adults!
I certainly don’t know who won the under13 league when i was that age. If your coach was more mature and professional about his coaching, you may never have quit the G.A.A, and you could have matured into a fine player. Just because kids may not excel at their sports aged 12, doesn’t mean they won’t excel in adulthood.
I knew many below average players aged 12, who matured into great players, I also knew many good players who matured into terrible players.
@ tony.. That’s the kind of crap that went on in those days, same with me with basketball … I only hope the same bullying and belittling doesn’t go on to the same extent in these current times, or at least if it does should be reported
This is a fantastic initiative and one I would like to see spread across all youth sport. These same sideline issues occur everywhere, football, rugby, hockey…. I’d love to hear how it works out and what feedback is taken from the kids also. Very best of luck to the organisers.
Shouting and cheering is fine as long as it’s positive. Some parents go too far screaming abuse and it ruins the game for everyone.
Some parents are morons. I remember one match of my son’s years ago and one parent screaming abuse at his own son because he wasn’t doing something right (apparently). I felt so sorry for the boy, they were only 8 or 9 at the time. Another parent told him to take it easy but it fell on deaf ears. His abuse affected more than his own child, all the kids were paying more attention to him than to the game they should have been enjoying.
Banning the professionals from being prima donna’s, rolling around the ground in ‘agony’ only to rise, lazarus-like, on the sound of the whistle and, giving out that team mates are running into their space would also help.
It doesn’t only happen in at football matches , it’s the same the GAA games aswell
In fairness, the GAA guys only rise Lazarus like after some magic spray …
True. Was a case in kerry a few years back where a parent punched and assaulted a youngster on the pitch because he got in a dispute with his son during the match.
Dara I was referring to the parents on the sideline
Ah, the same place you left your sense of humor and sarcasm detector – I get ya …
Begrudgy, it happened in the Gaelic Grounds in Limerick, and the “youngster” was a 19 year old of highly questionable reputation. That occasion involved adults, we’re talking about children here.
I refereed a senior county final. And an U10 final. Guess which was harder ?
Yep. The U10′s final. Parents. Brothers and sisters were a nightmare on the sideline.
I coach at St Peregrine GAA club and we are joining in today in the silent sideline initiative. Fantastic idea and I believe one that will help the kids enjoy the game more.
We all get a bit too excited and over coach or get over enthusiastic at times. I have already instructed parents about it and they are fully in support.
The worst thing is that the better players learn from the bellowing parents and then they start to berate and belittle their teammates on the field.
Underage sport is most peoples only experience of competitive team sport, so sad that it is tarnished by moronic bellowing eejits.
From my experience at my brothers’ matches, Gaelic football is a particularly bad sport for the shouting at youngsters. Much worse than hurling anyway.
A few years ago in underage football my best friend went down and the ball was cleared so I went over to help him and my coach started screaming at me telling me i was playing “f’ing football”. I didn’t know what he wanted so i said to him “Oh right so I am. Sorry i thought I was playing tennis or something”. He was quite annoyed after I said that though!
A great initiative indeed!
Youngsters on the pitch should only be hearing cheers from the sidelines, not the sound of some nutty parents ranting and raving, spoiling the experience for all.
Could be hard to implement in a GAA setting, such is the passion there.
well its not working too well in old trafford …
Go and troll somewhere else this story has nothing to do with that club or it’s grounds .
An attempt at a joke is hardy trolling. People need to seriously lighten the eff up.
You’re probably the kind of person the article is referring to, moneybags. Chill out man.
I know I won’t get much support but I fundamentally disagree with the initiative and before you fashionably red thumb me just hear me out.
Firstly I’m involved at all levels of GAA, soccer & rugby and have 5 kids who play. I don’t believe in putting our arms around kids at every opportunity but do believe in teaching my kids about life from an early age. The truth is life is competitive at all levels, from school to collage to the work place. The cotton wool we put around our kids in modern sport does not reflect reality and therefore fails them miserably when they face their own hurdles as teenagers & young adults. I see my responsibility as a parent to prepare my kids for the real world and not some utopia that is modern underage sport. Of course kids need encouragement but they also need the truth and to learn how to compete in a fiercely competitive world. Rather than shut the over enthusiastic parents up, why not teach our kids how to deal with it?
I could go on & on but one final question.
I wonder how much of the rise in teenage suicide is due to society refusing to prepare our kids for the challenges that lie ahead
I think you are confusing life with sport
You make some valid points I agree but you can encourage children to be competitive without screaming at them calling them useless and whatever else, if children are encouraged to work hard at basic skills and become technically better at not only sport but school and work then they shall have no problems in competitive environments…
Maybe Gerry, but kids learn an immense amount through sport. They learn about the importance of ‘team’, the reliance of others, the lessons of loosing & failing and how to pick oneself up and try again. They learn to respect their competitors & authority and work within those basic requirements for a civilised game. All of the above are fundemental lessons of life, in my view
Diarmuid you are of course 100% correct. However all our kids at some point will have to deal with unreasonable people shouting at them and will have stand up for themselves as well as know when to ignore those who just make noise. What part of our education system teaches this ?
Sport, irrespective of their ability, can teach this and much more, providing we stop turning it into something artificial.
I think that there is a middle ground needed. By all means, allow children to realise that effort is needed to achieve but let’s not forget that those with less natural talent are often trying as hard, if not harder, than those with innate ability. They should not feel punished as long as they are trying.
There are many talented kids also who do not get a fair crack of the whip as they don’t fit the mainstream model – for example the talented dribbler with the natural sporting brain who can’t get a start because he’s not as big as the others.
Let children enjoy challenges, let them learn about effort and training but let them be kids too, allow them to run after the ball in a bunch of 22 if that’s what they want, there’s plenty of time to teach tactics when they get a bit older.
It doesn’t have to be martial law or cotton wool, there’s sufficient room in between for real development.
I agree Dara but the cotton wool agenda is the only one on town at the moment and few are prepared to challenge it, albeit at the expense of our kids
its us as adults that are at fault not pushing for a better way no kid should be screamed at on a pitch called names . it holds the game back confidence is damaged and that buddy is a kids biggest weapon anything that we as adults can do to improve confidence of the kids we must support dont shout down .
If a kid does makes a mistake or is unable to perform as being shown during a match, tell him/her at the next training session and show the child again.
“kids need learn how to compete in a fiercely competitive world”
“I wonder how much of the rise in teenage suicide is due to society refusing to prepare our kids for the challenges that lie ahead”
I think more teenagers commit suicide,due to the isolation and ignorance ,conveyed to them, at a young age in sport, by parents and coaches like you, with an immature and unrealistic competitive edge.
What G.A.A , Soccer and Rugby clubs are you terrorising?
A perfect dictator
The real dividend in sport is not the winning but the learning and the experience of partaking in an organised and real team environment.
I’m sorry you had to make it personal, similar to the over enthusiastic parents on sidelines maybe !
I agree with your sentiment James and especially your last comment, but reading your first comments, its confusing.
Again James you make well reasoned observations and I agree that mollycoddling kids is not the way to go, as someone who has coached kids and is very competitive there is a fine line between wanting to win and offering encouragement even if they have made silly mistakes constantly, there is a fine line to be thread and it’s up to tge coach and parents to find the balance, when I played we were offered great encouragement but if we kept making the same mistakes we got a talking to which was needed too, I’ve always tried keep that approach in mind..
James, I find your comments disgraceful. I’ve grown up in a family that is heavily involved in football. My dad trains a local team, plan for àlq
Ciara, James has made some valid points in my opinion even if I don’t agree with all of them, why are they disgraceful?
Respectfully disagree. Remove the competitive element from the underage – as in no League or championship Cup. Reward kids by giving them a place on the team based on hard work and commitment in training and not on ability.
This will teach those with less ability that you can still succeed with hard work whilst teaching those with natural talent that you can’t coast through life being lazy just because you have a gift.
I don’t see why that would be hard to implement.
Dara, I agree with the getting rid of competition, in Eurooe they play small pitches, don’t keep score and work technically, therefore the best technically talented players come to the fore, not the physically strongest
Apologies, smartphone incidents meant I pressed send too soon. I’ve grown up in a family involved in football. My dad trains a local team, my brother plays, and my sister is a referee. The abuse she’s gotten is a disgrace. She’s 17 and does it for the love of the game, but yet has been called some awful things. Her league is good at penalising managers for it, thankfully.
As for it being a ‘modern utopia’, it’s not. But should we not be attempting to keep their innocence a bit longer? The world is extremely competitive, but playing sports is for fun. The Messis and Ronaldos of this world are few and far between, and for most it’s just an excuse to go and have fun with their friends.
As for the comment about suicide, it’s extremely crass and disgusting to suggest.
I thought football was a sport/game.
It’s a disgrace the behaviour of certain parents but at these age groups a rethink is needed, games shouldn’t be about winning, it should be about developing the technical skills that are needed when players get older, this win at all cost mentality means that physically stronger kids with less technique are given more precedence than smaller, technically better players, we are miles behind our European counterparts technically and will continue to do so if we always put winning first, who cares if a team wins the under 10 cup really?
Many managers and parents do unfortunately.
When I was about 17 I volunteered to act as umpire for an underage hurling match that my club were involved in. At one point the sliothar came close to, but did not cross, the line about a meter from where I stood. The parents on the sidelines some 30 to 40 meters away felt it had gone wide and that I should have signaled accordingly. They subjected me to a such abuse that I have never volunteered to help out at a match since. I am now 46 and can remember that day like it was yesterday.
Could the GAA not embrace this as well. Cursing and swearing parents coaches seem to be coming the norm at matches from my experience U10-U16
It’s terrifying to listen to and the kids wind up to the roaring leading to pitch fights too.
My manger in schoolboy football apparently ‘struck’ the referee with his lines mans flags, another also threw one of the players over a table in the dressing room because he was back answering him
The reason I left schoolboy football was because of the shouting from the sidelines and how it impacted my play, but now I help to coach a team and I think this initiative could really help if it’s followed by all the parents on the sideline. However, there’s always a few who can’t contain themselves, often to the detriment of the players.
Says a lot about the intelligence of any parent that would stand on the sideline yelling abuse at kids. They should be told to leave by those in charge of the game. Feel sorry for their kids.
As noted, it’s prevalent in GAA as well.
It is a problem across all sports. The abuse referees get from the sideline and players is also an issue. I think rugby has a model that could be followed. The referee is held in high regard and generally only the captain can approach and question the referee. It makes a lot of sense.
A poster above mentioned getting adults to sign a statement saying they would behave appropriately is a very good measure. It is an approach that all sports should proceed with and even have it printed in programmes or on tickets. Even a one line phrase.
Growing up playing sports shouting at players and referees was standard and I would have done it to referees as a player at games but that was the model we were shown and grew up in. I find it interesting how Joe Schmidt seems to have captured the respect of all around him by being fair to players and having a calm approach, not effing and blinding when the proverbial hits the fan.
This about bullying, respect, abuse. It’s also about freedom, which kids have very little of, in these times. You don’t shout over the teacher in school, so what makes it ok to shout over the coach in sport. What makes it ok to ridicule a child for his/her efforts. I witnessed 2 kids cry today and it was mean to be silent sideline weekend. Why, because adults wanted to win more than the kids themselves. How do tell your kids to deal with adult bully’s James? Most suicides are because of bullies. Not all kids are mentally strong, not all kids can deal with pressure. Are you saying it’s ok for adults to scream and shout at children? Should children have to accept this abuse? Kids are not mini adults. Don’t force the process. Children are smarter than most adults and it’s our job to protect them. What a child sees on a sports pitch and what an adults sees is a completely different picture. The very best coaches are great observers, they don’t have to scream and shout because they have prepared their teams for the game. Any coach/parent who has to shout their way through a game is not a coach in my view. If you ever get the chance to go to Barcelona’s La Masia or Sporting club Portugal Academia or any academy in England, the parents are not allowed say a word. Those kids seem to get on ok. That’s the real world James, you live in the ancient world. Just because we have always done it. It doesn’t mean it’s ok. I teach my players, my children, about respect. No-one should have to accept abuse because it happens the “Real World”
This started off in america where the parents and manager/coaches where asked to only encourage tjecplayers for one half off the game and go back to normal for the second half and then tbe player where asked their opinions on what they thought of the game i am for cutting all the shouting out but i think it should of being done the same way one half normal and one half slient and then ask the players what they thought
I have been involved in underage sport long enough to know that some children are naturally competitive others are not. I also know that 99.9% of all children who play sport will only play ever play it for pleasure rather than professionally.
The coach’s role is to encourage a healthy level of competitiveness in players, to teach them how to win and lose gracefully and to make parents understand that it is unlikely that they have conceived the next Messi or Tiger Woods. The reward for doing this for most Under age sports coaches is no pay but lots of abuse from parents. It is however the occasional “thank you” after a training session that makes it worthwhile.
I play hockey at u14 for a munster club team, I always get shit from my teammates at school and hardly ever get picked for the A squad, I don’t even try anymore cos I don’t enjoy it. However when I step onto the pitch and play for my club I perform to my highest level. I used to think I was never going to be good, But that has changed now I’ve been asked to play for the men’s team. I enjoy club hockey immensely. If you push yourself and believe in yourself you can do things you never thought were possible. Remember, never listen to negative comments and do your best. Then you’ll be successful.