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Toulouse's Trevor Brennan punches an Ulster's fans during a Heineken Cup match in 2007. INPHO/Getty

Naughty XV versus Nice XV in ultimate rugby battle of good and evil

Cocaine use, eye gouges and shooting baby seals. Who could ever beat these tough sods?

THE RECENT INDISCRETIONS of James O’Connor and Mike Phillips have got us thinking about a team of ultimate rugby bad boys.

After scanning the rap sheets of rugby’s most notorious players, we compiled this starting line-up. Let us know what you think and who you would add/omit.

1. Matt Stevens

Banned for cocaine but his rugby redemption included a call-up to the Lions squad in the summer. An experienced tighthead but can hold his own at loose.

2. Andrew Hore

The All Black was convicted of shooting a fur seal in 2005. One of the best hookers in modern rugby.

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Andrew Hore (right) lifts a cup that is NOT awarded for shooting seals. INPHO/Photosport/Wayne Drought

3. Davide Attoub

Fond of an eye-gouge is our David. The French prop was given 70 week ban for poking round Stephen Ferris’ socket.

4. Willie Anderson

A ‘boys on tour’ moment as the lock [on club duty with Penguins] was arrested for stealing an Argentinean flag in 1978.

5. Justin Harrison

Another Ulster legend in the second row. Harrison was suspended for eight months for cocaine use in 2009.

6.  Trevor Brennan

Another Ulster connection but this one was between the flanker’s fist and a fan’s face. A lengthy ban ensued for the Irish international, who was playing for Toulouse at the time.

7. Jerry Collins (captain)

An All Blacks legend, Collins has had a couple of run-ins with the law. He was arrested in Japan for carrying a 17cm cooking knife around a department store back in March. A few months later, back in New Zealand, and the former Ospreys flanker was accused of throwing a kebab at Kiwi police.

8. Andy Powell

The recently retired Wales and Lions forward was once pulled over by police after driving a golf cart the wrong way up a motorway.

9. Mike Phillips

The Welsh scrumhalf, a regular tormentor of the Irish team, is on the verge of the sack at Bayonne after reportedly turning up drunk for training. He also asked a married TV presenter on a date through the classy medium of Twitter.

10. Danny Cipriani

The outhalf has a laundry list of incidents in his colourful career. The latest was a night of Aussie hijinks that included stealing a bottle of vodka while he was with Melbourne Rebels. In good form, at present, with Sale.

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‘Don’t worry Gav, you’re included too’. Andrew Matthews/PA Wire

11. Wendell Sailor

The Australian rugby league convert was hauled over the coals for a nightclub fracas in Cape Town. He was also suspended for two years over cocaine use, in 2006.

12. Gavin Henson

Last seen getting knocked out on CCTV by Bath teammate Carl Fearns.

13. Mike Tindall

Throwing a dwarf through a Queenstown bar while on World Cup duty with England in 2011. Was also visited by wife Zara Phillips after grainy CCTV footage caught him taking too much of an interest in a lady who was not Zara Phillips.

14. Doug Howlett

Doug apologised for his 2007 “tomfoolery” for going buck mad after the All Blacks’ World Cup elimination in France. Several cars were damaged. Drink was involved, Howlett admitted.

YouTube credit: sarugby

15. James O’Connor

The Australian was pictured in Burger King [Hungry Jacks] just before 3am on the week of a massive Test against the British & Irish Lions.

Nice Guy XV

We reckon this posse, captained by Brian O’Driscoll, would be suitable white knights to defeat the bad boys named above.

1. Tendai ‘Beast’ Mtawarira, 2. Ronnie Dawson, 3. John Hayes; 4. Johann Muller, 5. Devin Toner; 6. George Smith, 7. David Pocock, 8. Martin Corry; 9. Peter Stringer, 10. Stephen Larkham; 11. Andrew Trimble, 12. Jonny Wilkinson, 13. Brian O’Driscoll, 14. John Kirwan; 15. Jason Robinson.

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16 Comments
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    Mute Sarah Lennon
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    Oct 28th 2013, 9:05 AM

    Um, Marc Cecillion? I think murdering your wife is right up there

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    Mute Conor Cahill
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    Oct 28th 2013, 12:44 PM

    Don’t forget Opeti Fonua. Apparently, I’m not sure about this, but somewhere an article I read said that he accidentally KILLED a player while playing for Tonga against North Korea.

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    Mute Kevin
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    Oct 28th 2013, 9:24 AM

    Eh… What about Duncan McRae absolutely leathering the face off ROG in ’01 Lions tour???

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    Mute Del McG
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    Oct 28th 2013, 10:04 AM

    Bees Roux of the Golden Lions in SA.

    Beat a cop to death with his bare hands. Got away with paying a fine to the officer’s widow

    A little worse than nicking a golf cart.

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    Mute Rory Fleming
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    Oct 28th 2013, 9:03 AM

    Henson was knocked out by Carl fearns of bath, not wasps

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    Mute charcoal lizard
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    Oct 28th 2013, 10:57 AM

    If we’re talking about James O’Connors indiscretions then surely having a late meal at burger king would be bottom of the list?

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    Mute Phil O' Meara
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    Oct 28th 2013, 10:31 AM

    And Warren Gatland as coach of the Naughties of course.

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    Mute Alan O'Dwyer
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    Oct 28th 2013, 11:40 AM

    I reckon the Nasties would hammer that goody-two-shoes line up.

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    Mute Kieran Hennerty
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    Oct 28th 2013, 1:27 PM

    Surely certain members of the recent Lions squad involved in certain video footage involving ONE young lady should easily make this list

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    Mute neil doyle
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    Oct 28th 2013, 11:50 AM

    How could you leave out Craig Gower. The Keith Moon of rugby!

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    Mute J Wood
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    Oct 30th 2013, 2:26 AM

    I love Gower’s Wikipedia section called “Controversy”:

    ‘In December 2005, Gower was fired as Panthers captain[16] after incidents at a charity golf event where he argued with several guests, groped the teenage daughter of former league player Wayne Pearce, chased Mitchell Pearce with a bottle before vomiting on him, streaked nude around the resort, stole and crashed a golf cart, held a butter knife [17] to the throat of a Sydney radio personality before throwing it at resort guests, and engaged in a brawl with resort security before being ejected from the official function and detained by police.’

    That’s comedy gold — human tragedy, but comedy gold.

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    Mute Phil O' Meara
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    Oct 28th 2013, 9:53 AM

    I am going to need a producers credit for this article from last weeks suggestion. Also what about Keith Murdoch at prop? Controversially sent home from 1972 tour of British Isles and went into hiding in the Outback.
    Also, what’s the most competitive position on the Drunk n Disorderly XV, second row?

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    Mute Eoghain Kenneally
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    Oct 28th 2013, 12:30 PM

    I’m pretty sure Trevor Brennan was a Leinster man, not the ulster man as he is credited with being early in the article.

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    Mute Eoghain Kenneally
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    Oct 28th 2013, 12:32 PM

    Disregard this comment I read it wrong my bad, you were referring to the ulster fan.

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    Mute James Meehan
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    Oct 28th 2013, 12:52 PM

    Was there not a sa prop that hacked a a gang of fellas to death with a hachet??as far i remember he was justified to do it,something to do with an attack on his family

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    Mute kevin kilduff
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    Nov 4th 2013, 1:52 AM

    Don’t forget john hayes’s stamp on cian healy’s head

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