ONE OF THE best parts of the Premier League season coming back is getting to watch games in your local again.
For those who don’t have direct access to Sky Sports or BT, the pub is the next destination on your list.
And as well as giving you an opportunity to have a few drinks when you watch your favourite team, it also gives you a chance to meet other fans. Most fall into a category probably best described as “normal football fan” — follow a Premier League team, their national team and watch the Champions League. But outside of the regular fan, there’s a few others you are sure spot, like wild animals in the jungle.
Here’s a few categories of fan who could be queuing at the bar with you just as a goal goes in:
The Gambler/The Lumper
This is the person who has accounts with (at least) Paddy Power, Betfair, Boylesports, Ladbrokes, Bet Pack and William Hill. They are always using the phrase “lump on” in the context of “I’m about to lump on West Brom under 1.5 goals”. This person knows the odds for every imaginable bet from first scorer to Alan Pardew headbutt.
This is the kind of person who never mentions the result of a bet (because of the high percentage of losses) unless they are loudly proclaiming how they “told you Chicarito was a certainty to score between the 80-85 minute”. You have little proof that any bet has ever actually been made but at least they are good sources of information if you ever want to make a bet yourself.
The Drinker
This person isn’t necessarily a heavy drinker but a very, very casual football fan who would rather be trapped among his peers at the pub than spend the evening in. They are usually walking back to their seat with a pint in each hand and their back to the screen just as a screamer goes in. Looking back at the TV is optional. The drinker usually picks their spots in football conversations so they don’t get something badly wrong. For instance, this person wouldn’t have felt comfortable talking about Alex Ferguson’s retirement until after Moyes’ sacking.
Spanish football/European football expert
A little like the role Eamon Dunphy plays on RTÉ, this is the person who has the time/interest to keep up to date with a few other leagues (although they probably, you know, actually watch these other leagues). They aren’t a hipster who peppers you with new information on Real Sociedad’s new youth players, but rather someone you can at least give you a bit of extra background on who your team is playing in the Champions League.
Most people watch the Champions League, but this expert just has time for a little more extra homework. This person loves Guillem Balague, Gerry Armstrong and Rob Palmer.
The Hipster/Mainstreamer
Two years ago, “Football Hipster” was a brilliant description of a set of fans who worshipped Borussia Dortmund, the superclasico, James Richardson and a whole host of other footballs teams, players, pundits and jerseys that were relatively underground. But now, much like in all facets of life, the hipsters are mainstream. More and more football fans are plummeting into this hipster abyss. Sadly, now “normal football” are almost the hipsters.
This person will ruin your Champions League nights with endless comparisons harking back to the days of Van Gaal’s youth movement with Ajax and Valeriy Lobanovskyi’s Dynamo Kiev side.
The Championship Fan
One of my personal favourites. Usually a Leeds, Coventry or Derby County fan who got into the team when they were in the Premier League and had the loyalty to stay the course. They have a permanent eye roll like the Undertaker entering the ring at Wrestlemania and regularly disparage you for following Liverpool, Man United or any other successful team. Often their dirty little secret is that they no longer keep up to date with their old team, but are too proud to admit defeat and rejoin the Premier League fan carousel. Bonus points if they follow a team who were never in the Premier League.
Have you seen any other category of fan? What sort of fan are you? Are you “Football Mainstreamer” or are you on of the “Normal” fans who woke up one day to find out they are hipster?
