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Manchester United vs. Chelsea: A rough study guide

Paul Ring has his pencil sharpened and his cheat-sheet prepared. Here are his notes ahead of this evening’s test.

History

Lots domestically of course, but that does not apply to this particular class. These two titans have faced each other just once previously in the Champions League – that final in a soaked Luzhniki stadium in Moscow back in 2008, when John Terry slipped and Edwin Van Der Sar smiled and saved and United came out on top in the first ever all-English European Cup final.

In his book “Why England Lose,” the grand master of football writing Simon Kuper dissected the penalties, discovering that Chelsea had a system that they had researched and stuck to during the shootout. That Terry slip was the only variable that knocked the equation before Van Der Sar cracked it, motioning to Nicolas Anelka that he knew the Frenchman was putting it to Van Der Sar’s right. Anelka blinked, went left, and United had their third European cup.

That will be on the test.

Maths

The equation is simple for United. Any win or any draw and they are through. A 1-0 win for Chelsea takes us to extra-time while a repeat of their 2-1 win at Old Trafford last May sends them through.  Any other win also takes them through.

No calculators will be allowed.

Economics

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has been subsidising the Londoners to the tune of £100m a year since he bought the club in 2003. The owners of Manchester United, the Glazer family, have been taking a few bob out of United ever since they took the club over in 2005. United’s financial need is greater from winning tonight but Roman wants the big-eared cup more than anything.

Students will also need to highlight the contrast between £30m United striker Dimitar Berbatov who won’t play despite scoring his 21st goal this season at the weekend while £50m Fernando Torres will despite not scoring since Brian Lenihan was Minster for Finance.

Drama

Students will be required to recall past instances of drama between the two teams. Be it guards of honour for new champions, finger-jabbing between Drogba and Vidic, or Patrice Evra duelling with Chelsea ground men, students are expected to recount these details during the test.

Past examples of dodgy penalty decisions will be especially important in light of any similar decisions happening on the night.

Philosophy

The subject will not be taken lightly and any students choosing it expecting an easy ride will be dealt with severely. United’s ethos of attacking at all costs has eroded to a more Machiavellian stance with five midfielders and Wayne Rooney deployed to stifle and then pounce.

Chelsea will be more difficult to determine. Here students will need to recall the equations from the Maths class and put them into use and remember that sometimes numbers change even philosophy. They need a goal and so will need to attack. Whether it will be disgruntled Drogba alongside Torres or two moody Frenchman flanking the Spaniard, Chelsea MUST attack.

Attendance

This is a rough guide to likely line-ups; attendance may vary according to circumstance.

Manchester United: Van Der Sar, O’Shea, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Valencia, Carrick, Anderson, Park, Giggs, Rooney.

Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Terry, Ivanovic, Cole, Essien, Ramieres, Lampard, Malouda, Anelka, Torres.

Further reading

Daniel Taylor of the Guardian was at Alex Ferguson’s press conference yesterday.

Kevin McCarra of the same paper argues the case for Carlo Ancelotti.

Jeremy Wilson of the Telegraph wonders if Carlo should play Fernando, while Alan Hansen in the same paper says Fergie still can’t thrust Dimitar Berbatov.

The essential 101greatgoals gives you the highlights from the first leg.

Timetable

Kick-off is 7:45, students should remember that that TheScore’s liveblog will be running a half-an-hour beforehand and are asked to submit their views on the game during the blog.

Good luck and remember there are no wrong answers!

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