That’s that then. The Champions League trophy will be heading to a new home in May after defending champions Inter Milan bowed out with a whimper in Gelsenkirchen.

Spurs weren’t much better over the course of their two legs against Madrid but they should be more than pleased with their achievement in reaching the quarter-finals.

And all of that means that our line-up for the final four is complete. As expected, Real Madrid and Barcelona’s two-legged affair means that the two sides  will now meet four times in the space of 17 days, while Schalke’s convincing win over Inter means that Manchester United might not have the leisurely stroll to the final that we all expected.

I’m off to bang my head off a brick wall for a bit. See you all bright and early in the morning.

FULL-TIME: Schalke 2-1 Inter Milan (Agg. 7-3)

FULL-TIME: Tottenham Hotspur 0-1 Real Madrid (Agg. 0-5)

He puts it over the bar. An anti-climax, like the rest of this evening’s action.

Madrid free-kick on the edge of the box. If Granero buries this, the whole charade might just have been worthwhile.

Three minutes of injury time in White Hart Lane. Spurs are knocking the ball about the edge of the Madrid box without doing anything remotely menacing. I’m not sure if that’s the best plan at this stage.

George Hamilton has resorted to consoling Spurs fans by reminding them that they’ve gotten further than Arsenal and to the same stage as “the moneybags from Stamford Bridge.” Not even I’m that patronising …

Less than five minutes to go in White Hart Lane and about the same in Gelsenkirchen. It’s the little victories that count.

Rather than engage any further with this evening’s non-events which are rapidly petering out, I would like to know if anybody out there thinks that Schalke can give United a game over two legs?

GOAL! Schalke 2-1 Inter Milan (Hoewedes) Game over?

Marcelo dinks one on to the roof of Gomes’ net from the edge of the box.

While that was happening, I went off in search of alternative sources of entertainment. Do you blame me? Kev Coleman sent me a link to this post on boards.ie – the McIlroy pics are brilliant.

Jermaine Defoe hits the foot of the post with a header from half-a-yard out but it’s not as bad a miss as that description makes it sound.

Benzema is on for Alonso as Jose gives some of the lads on a bench a run-out.

Sandro on for Huddlestone. The Spurs fans break into a rendition of “we’re gonna win 6-1.” I would like to take the opportunity to remind them that they’ll be lucky to escape with a draw from tonight’s game.

Zzzzzzz. This is criminally unentertaining fare and I apologise. Not that I can do an awful lot about it unfortunately – ‘Arry never rated me.

And the Brazilian very nearly has a goal already, courtesy of another “Gomes moment” from Gomes. Kaka bends one towards the bottom corner from distance but the Spurs keeper somehow manages to dive over it before knocking it behind for a corner. What is he playing at?

Well at least he won’t be annoying me any more this evening. C-Ron is subbed with Kaka coming on to replace him.

Defoe tests Casillas with a low drive from the edge of the box which the keeper palms around the post for a corner.

Schalke find themselves on the wrong end of some dodgy officiating. Hoewedes had the ball in the net from close range but the linesman flagged him offside. He wasn’t.

Change for Spurs. Defoe comes on for Aaron Lennon – I wonder how he was feeling this evening?

Oof. Another chance for Pavlyuchenko who heads over from six yards out after Rafa van der Vaart plants an absolute beaut of a cross right on his forehead. Disappointing.

The good folk over at Balls.ie have just posted this. Someone at ITV is clearly living in la-la land.

GOAL! Schalke 1-1 Inter Milan (Motta 49′) Game on? Inter only need four more after Motta bundles home from Sneijder’s corner.

GOAL! Tottenham 0-1 Real Madrid (Ronaldo 50′) That one will go down as a goal for CR7 but really it’s all thanks to Gomes who provided us with a brief glimpse of his glorious former self there.

Ronaldo hit one straight at him from over 20 yards out but he flapped it over his own head and let it bobble along the ground and over the line.

To his credit, he did scramble after it but it only made the whole situation look even more pathetic if you ask me.

Ferg Breen has been in touch via the comments to ask “is it just me or does the camera angle look strange or different than usual at White Hart Lane?”

You’ll be pleased to hear it’s not just you Ferg. The angle is different, apparently so that all of the sponsorship hoardings can be seen in their full glory. Thank you UEFA.

Back underway in Gelsenkirchen as well where Inter have made one change – Macedonian star Goran Pandev comes on for Dejan Stankovic.

Back underway at White Hart Lane. Stats lovers, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell me that Raul’s goal for Schalke was his 71st in the Champions League. Wow.

I’m off to make a cup of tea – hit me up with some stunning insights into how Spurs and/or Inter are going to pull this one out of the bag. Please?

Back in a minute.

HALF-TIME: Schalke 1-0 Inter Milan

HALF-TIME: Tottenham 0-0 Real Madrid

GOAL! Schalke 1-0 Inter Milan (Raul 45′) An old-school finish from Raul kills this tie completely, the Spaniard rounding Julio Cesar to put Schalke 1-0 up. Inter need five now.

Pavlyuchenko has a go from 25 yards out but he’ll need to do an awful lot better than that to beat Casillas.

Whatever about Spurs’ chances of scoring four in 90 minutes, how about four in half of that time?

I’ve been distracted by a rare chance for Inter in Gelsenkirchen. Maicon was set free by Stankovic’s cleverly clipped free-kick but he just couldn’t direct his shot on target.

“Lots of possession, little urgency” seems to be the best way to describe Inter’s efforts thus far.

Spurs have the ball in the net but the lino has correctly flagged for offside against Luka Modric. He was a step ahead of the last defender when he cushioned a header down to Bale on the penalty spot. The winger made no mistake though, finishing emphatically past Casillas.

Good save by Gomes. Ramos’ looped header looks like it’s just about going to creep under the bar but he gets a big palm to it to claw it away.

The replays would suggest that Spurs’ last penalty shout might have actually been a foul after all. When your luck’s out, your luck’s out it would seem.

Another penalty shout from Spurs as Pavlyuchenko takes a tumble under close attention from Albiol. I think the defender just about got a toe on the ball but I could be wrong.

That should have been Spurs’ opener there. Lennon broke down the right and, rather than take the shot on himself, pulled it back to Pavlyuchenko on the edge of the box. The Russian skies it from 15 yards however.

I take it back. The Spurs fans have just broken into a chorus of “You’re just a shit Barcelona.” That is the most entertaining thing to have happened in the opening quarter of either game.

This is the most entertaining thing to have happened in the opening quarter of either game. Though I shouldn’t really be surprised, should I?

It looks as though Bale has Ramos’ number here tonight. The Spaniard is looking pretty helpless every time Spurs attack down the left.

Still no goals in either game, sadly.

Pavlyuchenko has started brightly for Spurs. He’s just won a free-kick on the edge of the box which Bale … hits straight into the wall.

A goal would make this very interesting.

Inter have been quiet enough for the first ten minutes in Germany. They obviously haven’t read the script – and when I say script, I mean “my betting slip.”

Well well well. Another chance for Spurs and it’s Bale again (see point #1 of my earlier article). He skins Ramos out on the left and cuts back inside to test Casillas. He palms the Welshman’s effort back out onto the penalty spot but it’s scuffed clear by the Madrid defence.

To be fair, the first 200 seconds of this game in White Hart Lane have been lively enough. Ozil probably should have put Madrid 1-0 up but he sidefooted at Gomes when clean through on goal.

Then, a HUGE penalty shout from the Spurs faithful and, to be honest, I was shouting myself the first time I saw Alonso’s challenge on Bale. Replays have subsequently proved that it was never a pen though, with Bale kicking a mixture of the Spaniard and the ground before falling over.

We are underway in the Auf Schalke Arena as well, of course. I’ve stuck a couple of pennies on Inter to qualify – they are the European Champions after all.

Just so you know, at the first sniff of a comeback, I’ll be switching my attention to Gelsenkirchen. I’m fickle like that.

It has taken all of seven seconds – seven seconds – for Ronaldo to hit the deck and roll around a little bit. Clearly nobody warned him that I don’t have the patience for this sort of malarkey tonight.

We’re underway at White Hart Lane with Madrid playing from left to right.

Just in case you missed it earlier, we had a look at six things which ‘Arry needs to do if Spurs are to pull off the shock of all shocks tonight.

I hope the Madrid players enjoyed their lasagne …

In all seriousness, is anybody actually sitting down looking forward to these games. I can’t imagine Schalke or Real fans are – the potential for embarassment is way to high.

Spurs fans, are you looking forward to the game? Known sadists need not respond.

And this is how they’ll line out in Gelsenkirchen for Schalke 2-5 Inter Milan. I’m expecting extra-time and penos in Germany tonight.

Schalke 04: Neuer, Uchida, Metzelder, Howedes, Sarpei, Baumjohann, Matip, Papadopoulos, Jurado, Raul, Edu. Subs: Schober, Plestan, Hao, Schmitz, Charisteas, Karimi, Draxler.

Inter Milan: Julio Cesar, Maicon, Ranocchia, Lucio, Nagatomo, Motta, Stankovic, Zanetti, Sneijder, Eto’o, Milito. Subs: Castellazzi, Cordoba, Kharja, Cambiasso, Materazzi, Pandev, Coutinho

Here are the teams for Tottenham Hotspur 4-0 Real Madrid.

Tottenham: Gomes, Corluka, Gallas, Dawson, Assou-Ekotto, Lennon, Huddlestone, Modric, Bale, Van der Vaart, Pavlyuchenko. Subs: Cudicini, Kaboul, Jenas, Defoe, Bassong, Kranjcar, Sandro.

Real Madrid: Casillas, Sergio Ramos, Carvalho, Albiol, Arbeloa, Alonso, Khedira, Ronaldo, Ozil, Marcelo, Adebayor. Subs: Adan, Kaka, Benzema, Granero, Garay, Higuain, Di Maria.

Evening all.

I must have done something to really upset Adrian over the last couple of days because, for some yet-to-be-determined reason, I’ve been landed with the thankless task of providing minute-by-minute coverage of this evening’s Champions League clashes.

I’m not quite sure how long I’ll be able to keep watching two meaningless games of football for, but if the updates seem to dry up, there’s a chance I’ve fallen asleep.

On the other hand, there is the prospect that if either Spurs or Inter can grab a couple of early goals, this could be one of the most thrilling nights of football in recent memory … who am I kidding? Snoozefest it is.

Team news coming at ya presently.