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Dublin: 8 °C Tuesday 21 May, 2013

Get your dinner jacket on! It’s TheScore’s alternative Euro 2012 awards, part I

Will Cristiano Ronaldo take home one of the group stage’s top honours? Nope.

Get your dinner jacket on! It’s TheScore’s alternative Euro 2012 awards, part I
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  • The Geoff Shreeves award...

    ... for ruining a moment of national euphoria goes to -- the idiot in the crowd who blew a whistle as Sean St Ledger scored vs Croatia. Sledge's goal was possibly our only chance to genuinely celebrate during a torrid eight days. Even that small mercy was cruelly snatched away from us by some dolt in the crowd who probably thought he was hilarious. Argh.
  • The John Terry award...

    ... for ill-advised celebrations goes to -- Nicklas Bendtner. Ok, so getting a €100,000 fine and a one-match ban for exposing a pair of bookmaker-branded briefs is nowhere near as bad as togging out to lift the Champions League trophy after a final you didn't even play in, but still.
  • The Eamon Dunphy award...

    ... for awful, awful punditry goes to -- Eamon Dunphy. At half-time in Sweden-England, Dunphy told viewers to turn off their TVs as it was all over. If by "all over", he meant four goals and a cracking half of football still to come, he was spot on.
  • The "Psychic Wayne" award...

    ... for eerily accurate predictions goes to -- former Republic of Ireland international Michael Robinson. There was plenty of outrage last week when Robinson sucked up to the Spanish media by claiming that Spain v Ireland would be like "Muhammad Ali versus a dwarf". Now it seems like a rather generous comparison.
  • The Michael Owen award

    ... for best impersonation (of a footballer or otherwise) goes to -- Après Match. Much in the same way as Owen has fooled people into thinking that he contributes to Manchester United's title challenge, Barry Murphy was flawless in his impersonation of Angela Merkel. Was this the sketch of the tournament?
  • The Richard Dunne award...

    ... for being hard as nails goes to -- Poland's Damien Perquis. It only looks like a nick but that little mark on Damien Perquis's leg is actually a rather substantial and deep hole. He summoned the spirit of Moscow and played on, no biggie.
  • The Jason Lee award...

    ... for dodgy, dodgy haircuts goes to -- Wayne Rooney. You pay thousands for hair implants and then go and create this monstrosity? You're some man, Wayne.
  • The John Delaney award...

    ... for partying on when no-one else cares anymore goes to -- Zlatan Ibrahimovic. When it mattered, Ibra was put in his place by Andriy Shevchenko. Once Sweden were out and it didn't make an ounce of difference, he went and scored what will possibly be the goal of the tournament. The man is a mystery.
  • The Paul Scholes award...

    ... for ill-timed challenges goes to -- Roy Keane. There was plenty of merit to Keane's rant as the Fields of Athenry rang out around Gdansk last Thursday night but did nobody ever explain to him that it's not what you say, it's how you say it?
  • The Gabriel Clarke award...

    ... for not being the slightest bit patronising goes to -- Adrian Chiles. With the final Group D game poised at 0-0 at half-time and England as close to going home as they were to going through, ITV's studio supremo suggested that Hodgson take off Wayne Rooney to rest him "for the big game in the quarters". Isn't UEFA's Respect campaign meant to stamp this kind of thing out?
  • The Paul Gascoigne award...

    ... for inappropriate displays of cleavage goes to -- Croatian fan Jelena Miksa. The Croatian civil servant was once, twice, three times a lady as she got 'em out on demand for the lads on the streets of Poznan last week. Sallins student Eamon Keegan was just a small lick away from his 15 minutes of fame.
  • The Jogi Loew award...

    ... for being effortlessly cool goes to -- Kevin Kilbane. "Killer" only furthered his status as a cult hero as he mixed with the Green Army in Poland, even treating them to a pretty good rendition of Ice Ice Baby. Unfortunately most of his cool points were cancelled out by the bad, bad dancing of TV3's Tommy Martin in the YouTube clip that surfaced.

Who else deserves an award? Leave your suggestions in the comments section.

On Tour: Back to reality and Roy Keane on Sky+

VIDEO: ‘An bhfuil cead agam dul go dtí an leithreas,’ chant Irish fans in Gdansk

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