Cardinal Rules
# cardinal-rules - Friday 20 April, 2012
Column: On a ‘bold’ priest and his seditious message of love
This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland tries to avoid being influenced by the arrival of a ‘maverick’ priest who wants him to be nice to gay people and for clerics to be able to marry.
# cardinal-rules - Sunday 8 April, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – The Easter epic
What happens when two rival live Passion Plays collide? This and the other Easter Weekend happenings from the (not) Primate of All Ireland.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 30 March, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On the household charge and the stranger at the door
This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland and his pals worry about levies, escaped convicts… and spiked lemonade.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 23 March, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – Our day with Mahon
This week, the not Primate of All Ireland recounts the anguish of the Mahon report – especially the bit where he tried to download it.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 16 March, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – The real Book of Patrick
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland, shares some previously unpublished excerpts from a life of St Patrick… by his manservant Bran.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 9 March, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On gay rights
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland worries about the support of the Tories and Fianna Fáil for gay marriage but finds a new champion in a Scottish colleague – and relief in Winning Streak.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 2 March, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On how Inkgate goes all the way to the top
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland investigates the full extent of Inkgate – and finds out about Richard Bruton’s addiction to novelty erasers…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 17 February, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On priests versus geeks
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland went to a Reclaim the Faith Conference. It was all going to be suitably pious – until the hotel was double-booked with a sci-fi convention…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 10 February, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On closing the Vatican embassy
The (not) Primate of All Ireland reflects on a difficult few days in which the Bishops battled over the right type of biscuit (and the closure of the Vatican embassy too).
# cardinal-rules - Friday 3 February, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On cross-cultural exchange
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland and his colleagues ruminate on multicultural Ireland and embrace the “great big melting pot our little island has become”.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 13 January, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On ‘pop’ culture 2012
The (not) Primate of All Ireland readies himself for a year of cultural gems like Fr Gerry O’Shea’s one-man avant-garde production, ‘I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About, Sure Everything Is Grand’.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 6 January, 2012
Column: Cardinal Rules – On January boot camp for the boys
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland observes a morale-building exercise, complete with assault course and Dr James Reilly’s speech-giving techniques.
# cardinal-rules - Saturday 31 December, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules remembers 2011
The Pope’s stunt double, liveblogging the British royal wedding, a politican and an inflatable penis – good times, my flock, good times.
# cardinal-rules - Saturday 24 December, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – The Three Wise(ish) Men
This Christmas Eve, the (not) Primate of All Ireland brings his specially-extended version of the tale of The Three Wise Men… and an aubergine.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 16 December, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On the invasion of science
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland reflects on a difficult few days in which the clerics lost a Brother and almost gained a God particle.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 9 December, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On giving Brian Hayes a helping hand
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland reflects on the needy and vulnerable of Ireland, including members of Government who now have to subsist on only several thousand euro a week…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 2 December, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – on protecting yourself from financial catastrophe
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland discusses real money, imaginary money and potential money – with the aid of a chicken, a puppy and a goat.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 25 November, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – on hiring housekeepers
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland gets with the guidelines and indulges in a touch of “positive discrimination” when hiring for the clerical household.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 18 November, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – on Occupy Jim Sheridan’s gaff
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland is caught up in #Occupy fever – and decides to #Occupy Jim Sheridan’s €7,000-a-month rented house.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 11 November, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – on ‘Endaism’ (ignoring the worst-case scenario)
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland contemplates the usefulness of looking on the bright side. Incessantly.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 4 November, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On using the Sunday Independent as his bible
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland finds that a certain article about “the gays” could become an “ideological springboard” for him and his clerical pals.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 28 October, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On Bertie Ahern vs Steven Seagal
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland was torn between the Bertie interview and a Steven Seagal movie on TV – and learned that the two men are not as far apart as you would think…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 14 October, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – How to wave goodbye to the IMF
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland rubbed shoulders with the likes of Bono, Enda Kenny, Eamon Gilmore and Gabriel Byrne to learn three very important things…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 7 October, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – The Dana and Gay Mitchell wars
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to intervene when his troops split over supporting Gay Mitchell or Dana in the Presidential race. “Fr Ryan blacks out some of Gay’s teeth on a poster…”
# cardinal-rules - Friday 30 September, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – There’s a guy outside my Tesco swears he’s Jesus
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has a house guest – a bearded young man who wears sandals and speaks in Biblical tones. It couldn’t be… could it?
# cardinal-rules - Friday 23 September, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – on Sinn Fein’s presidential campaign
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland is greeted by the Martin McGuinness supporters – but it all goes terribly wrong…
# cardinal-rules - Monday 19 September, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – on the annual trip to Knock
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland brings the priests on their annual pilgrimage to the Mayo shrine. But is one of his clerical flock tempted by a (not ‘Our’) Lady?
# cardinal-rules - Saturday 27 August, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On tour with Il Papa
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland heads to Madrid to see his Holiness work the crowd and find his inner rock star.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 12 August, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – Gaybo for President?
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland writes that (not) Bishop Brady is upset to discover that the man who hosted the ‘Bishop and the nightie’ debate could be running for the Áras.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 5 August, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – Croagh Patrick for purists
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland details the trials of the recent Reek Sunday – where fun has started to ruin the penitential tradition beloved of (not) Bishop Brophy.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 29 July, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On defending Morrissey
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to play peacekeeper in the terrible row over Morrissey: “an undisputed genius” or “a big mountain of stupid”?
# cardinal-rules - Friday 22 July, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – What happens in Lourdes, stays in Lourdes…
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland embarks on the annual parish pilgrimage… but will everyone get home safely?
# cardinal-rules - Friday 15 July, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – The lesser-known story of Zacchaeus
This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland retells the tale of the short tax collector who climbed a fig tree to see Jesus – but wasn’t so hot on inviting Him back to the house for dinner…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 8 July, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – Keep your Oxegen, we have Priestopalooza…
The (not) Primate of All-Ireland has no intention of heading to Punchestown this weekend – he’s still recovering from a Declan Nerney-inspired stampede at the ‘Weekend for Jesus’ music and prayer festival…
# cardinal-rules - Friday 1 July, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On helping the Pope to tweet
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland is drafted in to help his Holiness to get to grips with Twitter. “He receives a tweet from the Dalai Lama. ‘Dude,’ it says. We just ignore it.”
# cardinal-rules - Friday 24 June, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules – On how to organise a social media protest
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland tries to mobilise The Bebo, The Twitter and The Facebook to protest against a “shocking” art exhibition.
# cardinal-rules - Friday 17 June, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 28) – On my pal Padre Pio
This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland marks the anniversary of Padre Pio’s canonisation with his recollections of their boyhood friendship… and their caravan holiday in Tramore.
# cardinal-rules - Saturday 11 June, 2011
The Daily Fix: Saturday
In the Saturday news Fix: Nuns says they will participate in any Magdalene inquiry; Al Qaeda’s top man in East Africa is dead; the lowdown on The Palin Emails’; and meet Debbie, she really likes cats.
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 27) – On the presidential campaign trail
(Not) Cardinal Sean Brady recounts one eventful day on the campaign trail as Bridie Keegan pushes to become president.
# cardinal-rules - Sunday 5 June, 2011
Column: Cardinal Rules (Part 26) – Running the Parish newsletter
The Not Primate of All Ireland hands over the running of the newsletter to a colleague. Hilarity, inevitably, insues.
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