I USED TO care deeply about Gareth Southgate.
Keep in mind, I never thought Southgate was a particularly good footballer, nor did I ever support Crystal Palace or Aston Villa or any team he played for. I even used to constantly mock the old Bull Boys shoes that he endorsed and their ads, which overzealously proclaimed the defender to be the “champion of English football”.
In fact, my admiration for Gareth Southgate had almost nothing to do with Gareth Southgate the footballer or Gareth Southgate the person.
What this passion, which some might generously describe as ‘misguided,’ had everything to do with was stickers. Specifically football stickers. And Gareth Southgate was one of the few football stickers I just could not seem to get my hands on. This innocuous-seeming situation drove me slightly insane for a period.
There was a time when the sound of ‘Have… Have… Have… Have… NEED’ became as routine as the bells that chimed to mark the end of lunchtime in the school playground. In an era in which kids can comfortably operate all kinds of sophisticated technology, it’s scarcely believable that not so long ago, swapping pieces of paper with footballers’ faces on it was the staple activity of choice for youngsters such as myself.
This elaborate game, which forced us all to dispense with our hard-earned 20p every week, could become quite competitive. From the beginning of May to the end of August, I was always a perfectly nice, civil and generous child who smiled at the request of old people and helped wash the car when my father asked me to. Yet during the Premier League season, I became a different person — like a mini-Jose Mourinho, I was willing to do whatever it took to taste success in the form of a completed album. I defended my stickers like the Special One’s teams defend one-goal leads, with the no-nonsense attitude of Roy Keane also applied when negotiating swap deals.
My one traumatic memory, however, was an Amelie-esque incident (with stickers instead of marbles) in the school playground, when after acquiring about 30 newbies from a friend, I promptly dropped them all, with the especially harsh wind ensuring I had to do my best Sonia O’Sullivan impression for the next few minutes, as I sought to retrieve my rapidly escaping and all-too-precious cards.
The sticker-collecting period that stands out in the memory was the Southgate year – 1995-96, the same season Kevin Keegan single-handedly lost his team the title race (or something along those lines), by uttering the immortal words, “I’d just love it if we beat them,” and Eric Cantona kept scoring incredible goals and seeming not to care.
(Gareth Southgate — not a very good player but an especially good sticker)
And like United that season, my sticker-collecting habits started off slowly but gathered increasing momentum as the campaign approached its climax. Ultimately, I had just 12 cards left to collect come May thanks to my obsessive buying and fearless negotiation skills in the playground. Yet, much to my eight-year-old self’s chagrin, virtually no one had the 12 cards that were needed to finish the album. Did they even exist? Was I the victim of a cruel marketing ploy destined to be perpetrated on the few people sad enough to actually come close to completing the sticker book?
How did I solve such a dilemma? Reader, I cheated a little. I discovered you could send away for specific stickers and with the season about to finish, I was more desperate than Newcastle’s end-of-season form that year (or indeed, most years).
So yes, I completed the sticker album. It might not have been the most popular way to complete a sticker album, but there’s more than one way to complete a sticker album.
Anyway, upon this momentous occasion, I had always imagined myself lifting my Ajax jersey (even back then, football hipsterism was a thing) over my head and running around my room joyously for hours owing to the sheer ecstasy of it all. Yet instead, I experienced a somewhat hollow feeling upon finally achieving this longstanding goal. A completed sticker album wasn’t going to do my homework for me, or earn the millions that I imagined it would take to make the dream of visiting Disneyland a reality, or buy a Super Nintendo replete with all the Mario games. Moreover, I imagined all of the sweets I could have bought with each of those 20ps, instead of wasting them on frivolous stickers, many of which I’d already bought anyway.
It was then that I vowed never to let myself get mixed up in the mad world of Premier League (or any other form of) stickers ever again. I was now ready to move onto more grown up pursuits like watching WWF and playing Championship Manager.
Yet just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in (‘they’ meaning the sports editor). With the World Cup on the horizon, I have decided to rekindle my past obsession by buying the official World Cup sticker book, and I’ll be updating you on my progress over the course of the tournament.
Of course, it wasn’t easy to get back in the game. I spent 20 minutes unsuccessfully trying to convince the shopkeeper that I was not some weird man-child and the reason for my purchase of copious packets of stickers was ACTUALLY for very serious journalistic purposes.
And the album itself represents a brave new world. Gone are the cheesy photos of Barry Venison and his hideous mullet. In has come Michael Essien and his apologetic half-smile, and a load of Honduran footballers I’ve never heard of. It is a strange disconcerting realm, in which stadium stickers must be bought in two halves, and Andros Townsend is part of the finalised England squad.
Mercifully, they’ve limited each country’s squad to 18 players, meaning there are just 639 stickers between me and glory. They now cost 60 cents rather than 20p, but apart from that, not much else has changed. I feel at home and strangely at ease thanks to this comforting experience — the distinctive, unmistakable and slightly musky smell of the album, the patient minutes spent ensuring that none of the stickers that go in are placed crookedly, it’s all very familiar. Hence, nothing can ruin the nostalgia-induced sense of calm that this new endeavour has prompted — except, maybe, a Gareth Southgate wannabe.
If you find Tomas Brolin knocking about could you pass him on? I’ve been looking for him to complete my World Cup 94 collection for the last 20 years, I’ll swap you martin Dahlin, Jurgen Klinsmann,Kennet Andersson and Terry Phelan, you can’t get much fairer than that!
Jaysus that wasn’t difficult :)
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/290874880318
I remember when a mate of mine stole £30 out of his ma’s purse to go buy all the stickers in the corner shop…all for that bloody shiny McDonalds sticker. That would have been in ’95 I think….so it was a serious chunk of change!
Good man I reckon I’ll do the same, I remember guy’s going round the school yard with huge wads of cards to swap
…..have have have have have haven’t have have………….
NEED BADLY
Have have have need have need need have….
I was gonna do that. No point now, i thought I was gonna be unique and hipsterish…
I remember a fella in our class went to England on holidays and came back with a full box for Football 87. At the time, each full box was said to have at least 1 of each sticker. He was like the Jack Walker of 5th class, never got any credit for filling his album!
I remember when I was five putting one of the stickers in the wrong number. Can you imagine the panic of trying to scratch the sticker out and placing the real one over the white remains? There were tears
Mid 90′s phenomenon? Try 1986! As we weren’t in it I decided to follow Iraq as I had the whole team in my collection……Who was to know.
Got hooked in 1970 World Cup. Those exotic Brazillans (Pele, Felix etc). Simple but wonderful times.
Those exotic Brasilians have become stuck for cool names of late. See Fred and Bernard. There is a lad called Michael Jackson that’s flying the flag though!
2small ones for a big one or 3 smalls for a shiney,
Premier league stickers where the real gate way drug
There’s actually a link there isn’t there? The football cards that were popular in the fifties (?) came inside cigarette packs.
I completed the 1986 World Cup album pretty easily so I decided to start the 1987 English league one. Lennie Lawrence, the then-Charlton Athletic manager was the one sticker I needed for months I remember. I found it thrown on the road just after going to the shop to buy thousands more in swaps. It was the happiest day of my life then :)
Was that the album with the Scottish league at the back, where the stickers had 2 players on them?
Send away for your remaining stickers? I never had that luxury when collecting premier league ’94!
The only option my best friend & I had was to join forces. Once we got our hands on the much sought-after Richard Edghill of Man City to finish our collection, we thought our life would be complete.
This would only lead to a whole new world of worry though, whose house was the finished album going to reside in, mine or my mate’s?
I’ll have to stick to it this summer, used to always give up. Had about four Sol Campbell’s I remember!
That’s the defence that dreams are made of.
They can be taken from the back though Stephen.
Need to get out more
Paul, its a pity you weren’t looking for a Gareth Southgate stamp.
Ahh the days of collecting those panini stickers n showing them off in the school yard when it was eventually filled.And all those stickers you had 10 of the same and looking out for those few that would finally fill the book.Sheer nostalgia that is.Simple times !
This has been my favourite article on The Journal so far.
I almost scuttered meself when I got Socrates to complete Brazil in the Mexico 86 collection.
How many for a foily?
I remember collecting these in the 80′s ;)
Yeah, we give the 90′s too much credit. There was a time before then that wasn’t completely uncool!
World cup 90 in the red hard back folder, where u had to buy the magazine as well as the stickers. Double whammy! !
Just do it online the fifa website has one, easy and simple wont cost a penny
You’re missing the point Dave. Half the fun with these was tearing open the pack to see what you got this time; maybe a shiny!
The joys of getting the right half of the Crystal Palace crest.
In.
Fųc|(ing.
Shiny.
No the one on the FIFA website doesn’t have 18 player squads, get with it!
It has been many years since my beloved gave up his panini World Cup sticker albums.HIs Back in the Sad……dle.. I’ve never seen him so animated and alive when a shiny one comes out of the packet !! Til death do them part!
Does anyone have Pape Shango No 5?
Where can one arrange swaps???? Getting expensive by the time himself reaches the half way mark!